Songs for my Mother

WEDNESDAY CONTINUED...

That night we were taking our family and the Clark family to a Colorado Rockies/Diamond Back Spring Training Game. Everyone was excited to go. On our way to the game we stopped and ate.

We were pulling out of the "In & Out Burger" parking lot when I got the awful phone call about my mother. Everyone had been laughing and having fun, we had some of the Clark kids in our car, and they had some of our kids in their car.

My sister told me over the phone that they had found my mother in her room. She had passed away in her sleep. It was so shocking and I was having a hard time processing it myself, that I just told Bruce that he had to take me to my parents house and drop me off, cuz something happened. He kept asking me what, and I just kept saying, "I DONT KNOW". I wanted him and everyone to just go away and leave me alone with my dad and sisters. So everyone else still went to the game, un-knowing of what had happened. The car seemed like it went in slow motion, and I don't think I moved my hand from my mouth, frozen in shock, the whole drive there. The car, that had been happy and laughing, was silent.

It was so shocking and sad, and we all cried so many tears over the next multiple days. It was so overwhelming to be in shock and still have to immediately start planning a funeral.

I asked my cousin Emily's husband Mckane to sing this song "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" at her funeral. He came up with his own guitar version of the song in 2 days. It was amazing, he sang it with his friend Greg. They recorded it for us so our family could have it. You have to listen to it above. I have listened to it on repeat over a hundred times.

My son Dallin played "Here comes the Sun" on his guitar at the funeral. (He had played it for my mom 2 weeks before she died. She had started crying and told him how proud she was of him, and that it reminded her of her dad, who died when she was 14).

Emma and my nieces Lexi and Amber, sang "You are My Sunshine" at the funeral, acapella. My mom use to sing that song to us when we were young. My brother in law Geoff wrote a 3rd verse for my mom:

"We'll always love you,

and keep your mem'ries

life was exciting, and fun.

You made us laugh, and

now your smiling...

with the angels in heaven above."

Both of those songs were so tender. I wanted to remember that moment in time, so I paid for the kids to go to this little recording studio Ashlin's friend has in their home and record both songs. I have them on a CD in my car and love to listen to them over and over as well.

The girls recording the chorus:

Dallin recording his guitar song:

Easter was really hard this year for me. I left church after sacrament. I came home and cried while making Easter Dinner for my family. All my family came over, and it was nice, but it felt different. After everyone left I cried again. It was so so hard to try and act festive for my children, when I just wanted to cry. I was very sad. Other days aren't as hard. Last night the girls and I went to visit my dad. When we left, he walked us out. As I drove away and looked out my window and saw my dad walking up to the house I grew up in, all by himself, I cried all the way home. :(