So, we found out at the end of October that we were expecting baby #6. Because we have had miscarriages in the past, we waited to tell people that we were expecting until after the first doctors visit. But when I went to the first doctors visit, they couldn't find a heartbeat. They scheduled an ultrasound for the next day. Since I have been through it before... I was preparing myself for another miscarriage, though praying and praying that everything was ok.
I went to the ultrasound and it seemed like forever that the lady searched around without saying anything (when they say nothing, that is bad) then her first verbal response was, "have you had any bleeding this pregnancy?", to which my heart sank. I just knew that meant she wasn't finding anything. BUT then she told me to hold my breath and she turned the sound up really loud, and there was the most precious sound, a little fast heartbeat, and she said, "there's your babies heart beat!" I immediately started sobbing, I was so happy! A heart beat. I said, "my baby has a heart beat???" I was overcome with emotions of gratitude and joy. Another heart beat. Another baby. Another one!! I cried for an hour, no joke. I was suppose to call Bruce right after the ultrasound, but couldn't compose my self the whole ride home, just cried. I am so happy. I am so thankful. I feel so blessed.
My feelings about having 6 children:
I am going to be honest. I am nervous. I worry constantly that I will be a good enough mother, that all of my children will feel loved, that all of them will feel like they had enough attention. I pray constantly that God will bless my efforts. I am so not a perfect mom. But I do love being a mom. I love reading books to my kids, I love going on walks with my kids, I love having parties for my kids, I love making treats with them. Whenever I am not focused on the fact that I feel so sick, and remember that I get to hold another tiny baby in my arms, I can't believe it,
I am so happy.
BUT, when I yell at my kids, or the house is a wreck, or my kids talk back, or laundry is piling, I think, how will I do this?
I have always wanted a big family. When I was a little girl, I loved Cabbage Patch Kids. They were really hard to buy for a while there, other girls were happy to have 1. I was generally not spoiled, but I had 7 cabbage patch kids. I never wanted to take care of just one, I wanted to play "orphanage" and take care of a whole group. I loved hanging out at friends houses with big families, I loved babysitting my cousins of big families. It's what I always wanted and Bruce was warned when he married me.
Bruce is the best. My sort of strength and weakness is that I take on a lot. My response is always, I can do that, or we should do this. I always think I can fit everything in somehow. Bruce is not like this. He is more pessimistic. He always thinks we are too busy, or we won't be able to get to it. The reason why he is the best, is because as I take on a ton, and am flailing the night before stressed about everything that needs to get done, he is always right there helping me get it all done. I am so thankful for him. He said to me that he didn't feel the need for another baby, but he didn't want to be the one to not allow me if I would always regret it. And now he is the one next to me doing more laundry and working harder to keep the house clean, because I feel so sick. How did I get so lucky to have him? Thank you Bruce. I love you!
And I am thankful for 5 kids who are so excited for another baby. Even before they knew I was pregnant Logan put on his Christmas list, "a new baby brother".
I have faith God will bless our efforts, because quite honestly, I know in my heart how guided through prayer I felt
in bringing this on.
These 3 children above are the fighting children. All through out the long hours of day the battle rages between them. Random small things wage large wars, where they often reside on opposing teams. And then as soon as I announce "bed time"... something mysterious happens. Each night they beg to sleep in the same bed. Anyone who has witnessed the day time fights would think, they will not survive the night. Nope, I know the "Magic of Night". Some very special "not wanting to go to bed" bond happens, and magically unites the fighting children in to peaceful children who love eachother for night. Wierd. We have 5 children, 5 beds, and atleast 2-3 beds are empty each night. This is the honest truth.
And just in case you didn't notice in the above picture, here is the up close of our tacky angel, yes, a stuffed dog angel, it just fit, because you know, Bruce IS a Veterinarian.
...and our up close of Bruce's stocking. He will not let me get him a new stocking which matches the rest. His even faces the wrong way. But he insists we keep the stocking he has had since I bought it for him when just engaged! (Engaged and cared more about impressing him then worrying about the tackyness of our future home) Oh well.
They gathered on the bean bag to watch a short "Rudolph the Reindeer" video...
And last, I am thankful our new elementary school celebrates Christmas openly!!! YEAH! We have Christmas Concerts with Christmas songs!! Logan's kindergarten class below is singing "Jingle Bells". And it too made me cry. Why, I don't know. It just is so cute to see those little people up there shaking those bells! (Logan all the way to left)
(Santa by Ashlin)
